Triggers...the flip side

     After last week’s post, my dad shared a story with me about a powerful experience he had with a trigger. (Yes, my dad reads my blog. I like that.) Dad’s experience was startling and profound but not at all negative. So this week’s post is for Dad, who reminded me that triggers have a flip side. Thanks Dad!

     I do my best to avoid using generic terms like “negative” and “positive”. They’re ambiguous and come with a lot of baggage. We tend to describe something as negative when we don’t like it and as positive when we do. I searched for different words to use and didn’t find anything that fit. So here negative triggers are those that bring up difficult emotions. In the bigger picture the opportunity for healing these triggers provide can be quite positive.

    We all carry wounded places in our psyches that lay foundation for our trigger. Like most people, I tend to associate triggers with difficult emotions like anger, fear or jealousy. But we also have positive triggers. Just as negative triggers set off a flood of challenging emotions, positive triggers give us a little happy buzz. Having those triggers tripped brings up feelings of belonging, joy, contentment, etc. On a deeper level positive triggers can ignite the spark of creativity and inspiration.

     As I mentioned in last week’s post, triggers are not something we can control or eliminate. For negative triggers the lack of control and the inability to make them go away can feel like a pain in the butt. On the flip side this means our positive triggers are fairly reliable and can be used as tools.

     We’ve all had days where we feel out of sorts and things don’t go the way we’d like. Sometimes in the midst of the frustration we have an unexpected experience. It might be something small, but we walk away feeling lighter and as a result the rest of the day doesn’t seem so hard.

      So what’s going on when this happens? In the course of a frustrating day a positive trigger got tripped, engaged our hearts and set off a shift in perspective. When I experience a positive trigger during a challenging day, it doesn’t make the frustrating parts vanish. If my positive trigger is tripped by something big enough, the happy buzz may overshadow my frustration.

   Fortunately as a human being I’m capable of feeling several seemingly opposite emotions at once. So having a positive trigger set off doesn’t have to be an either/or. Even if the happy buzz isn’t big enough to overshadow the frustration, I can hold both emotions. By allowing myself to feel both the happy buzz becomes a balance for the frustration.

     When something happens that I don’t like, it’s easy for me to get caught up in my story about the experience. The more caught up I get, the more I give the experience my attention and spin around in my own head. This perpetuates a cycle where I’m feeding the thing I didn’t want in the first place. Interject a positive trigger and I have something else to focus on. I can turn my attention to the positive trigger and break the head spin cycle.

     This works much better than trying to stop fueling the cycle by forcing myself not to think about it. Actually trying to make myself stop thinking about something doesn’t work period. The more effort I put in to not thinking about X, the more my mind insists on going there. But I can redirect my mind by giving it something else to focus on.

     Just as computers are programmed to behave in a given way in a given situation, our experiences program us to a set way to certain situations. Triggers are essentially a little preset package of situation and emotional reaction. I don’t like to think of myself as being programmed, but I am. I have the choice to work with that programming or fight it. I do fight it sometimes even though I know that is an exercise in futility.

    Knowing what my positive triggers are allows me to work with them. My favorite thing about these triggers is that I can set them off intentionally; use them as tools to shift who I am in relation to what’s going on.

    Instinctively we all use our positive triggers. When we feel stressed or overwhelmed we gravitate toward things that mitigate these emotions and bring us comfort. Some of the things we’re drawn to are positive triggers, like watching a favorite movie or listening to particular music.

   Other things associate with comfort come more from our wounding. Drinking a couple glasses of wine or reaching for the ice cream may bring temporary comfort. However this comfort comes from disconnecting from the discomfort rather than from balancing the emotion.

     At times when I’m when I’m struggling or having a rough day, I need to take a break and step away. Knowing my positive triggers lets me make deliberate choices on how I give myself a break. I can use a positive trigger rather than defaulting to my wounding.

     Catalysts for positive triggers are very individual. They can be almost anything from a situation or a person to sensory stimuli, like hearing, smelling or seeing something. I often use my positive triggers when I feel creatively stuck. I go to a poetry reading, listen to a poetry podcast or visit an art gallery. Being in a creative environment sparks my creativity and opens me to inspiration.

     We live on dualistic planet. By nature, nothing here is one-sided. While it may be more challenging to find the positive side of things we generally think of as negative, it’s there when we’re willing to look.