Risk and Discernment

    

 A couple Saturday’s ago I woke up feeling overwhelmed. I’d planned to have dinner with a friend, but wasn’t sure I was fit company for other humans. I talked to another friend that morning, who reminded me it’s okay to say “no” and take care of myself. She added that growth doesn’t mean we have to keep pushing ourselves all the time.

    All true. I liked that idea but as I finished the conversation I realized that option didn’t feel right. When I’ve worked on saying “no” and being more aware of obligations vs. what I really want to do, feeling overwhelmed often meant I needed to say “no.”

   The difference between that place and where I was on Saturday had everything to do with context. I’ve learned in the past few months feeling overwhelmed is often created by my own limiting beliefs. To move past the belief I have to push myself past feeling overwhelmed.

    So I went to dinner and enjoyed a thought provoking evening with a friend. All of this was a good reminder of the relationship between risk and discernment.

     Risk is part of any foray into the unknown. It’s a vital part of evolution, growth and exploration…all of which means getting out of my comfort zone.

    I need my comfort zone. We all do. Your comfort zone is essential for integration and rest. But when you become too enamored with it and surrender to the fear of stepping outside, your comfort zone becomes a gilded prison.

   So how do you know which risks are beneficial and which are rash or self-destructive? This is where discernment comes in.

     I used to make a pros and cons list to help me weigh risk and make decisions. I’d divide a piece of paper in half; list the cons on one side and the pros on the other. After I had my list I’d go back and cross off anything that was based in fear. Then I’d use what was left to make my choice.

     I’m not sure when I stopped making those lists, but I haven’t done that in years. It worked for years. Then I began to see the limits of list based risk assessment. Even with the list, my appraisal of the situation often seemed faulty.

    In retrospect I can see that at times I needed a colossal fail even though it wasn’t what I wanted. Working my way out of the “failures” pushed me closer to who I want to be than “success” could.

    Even though I was using a pros and cons list something about my assessment of the situation was off. The misstep wasn’t about not weighing my options carefully enough. I was too focused on making the “right” decision. I wasn’t discerning the real crux of my options.

    Old paradigm decision making and risk assessment is all about making the “right” vs “wrong” decision. But all too often “right” has to do with what others may think and/or what society supports. Both prevent me from being in an authentic place when I weigh a risk.

    Lists can be great tools but they often come solely from my brain. So they’re wrapped up in ego, linear mind and small self. In making decisions based on my pros and can list, I wasn’t taking the bigger picture into account. Each option on my lists had the potential for contributing to or detracting from who I am and what my life is about.

    I discovered that consideration is more important to me than logic or any small picture assessment of risk. I don’t care how many scientific studies prove that X is a better option than Y. Until a few hundred years ago prevailing opinion aligned with scientific proof that the Earth was the center of the Universe. I am not anti-science. However, I do find that science often fails to recognize its own limits.

     Although I do care what my friends think, I had to let go of allowing how many people in my life would understand if I chose X and might be confused and critical if I chose Y to be a factor in my choices. If Y is more aligned with who I want to be, I needed to be brave and pick Y.

    Questioning my beliefs and assumptions was the other place my discernment was lacking. I began going back to each item on my pros and cons list and asking “Is this really true?” When I don’t ask that question, what I really risk is believing I’m taking a risk when I’m not. The actions may look different, but if they come from the same old beliefs and assumptions I’m not truly risking much.

     Risk is uncomfortable. That uncomfortable comes in different forms. There’s the discomfort of doing something new, not knowing what I’m doing or even if I can do what I’ve chosen to. Doubt is just part of the process. The answer to that is accept the doubt, but don’t’ feed it and go on.

     There’s also the discomfort of having weighed all my options, small and big picture, and still not having a clear sense of what to do. If I can, I wait to see if I can get some clarity. If waiting doesn’t work, I flip a coin. Pun intended, that may seem like a flippant way to make a decision, but is it? When I can’t decide I tend to overthink. That puts me right back in the little picture. Flipping a coin gets me out of my head and who’s to say the Universe isn’t an equal partner in how the coin toss comes out?

    Then there’s the discomfort that arises when I make a choice and feel the need to rationalize, justify or make excuses. This form of uncomfortable warrants my attention. It usually means some deeper part of me knows what I picked isn’t aligned with the bigger picture and what I really want.

     Sticking with that decision isn’t “wrong.” It’s just a choice. Examining my rationalizations, justifications and excuses often leads me to uncovering the limiting belief I’m butting up against.

    Bottom line – the biggest risk is not taking a risk. Discernment in that process is vital. When I don’t exercise discernment I more easily chose a risk that only serves to reinforce my wounding rather than helping me move past it and grow. Discernment is important in big risks and the little daily ones. Often the daily risks are much bigger than they seem at the time, like the 10 Risks Happy People Take Every Day.