Before I launch into this week's topic....happy birthday to Viva la Duende! The blog is one year old this week. Wow. I started the blog because I kept getting nudged to do it. I wasn't sure how well I'd do with keeping my commitment to write every week. I've been pleasantly surprised by how often the Universe keeps presenting me with topics to explore. Thanx Universe! Thanx readers!
We live in a world that's still largely built on the old paradigm. Because those principles are so ingrained it can be difficult to see how they really work. The contrast between old and new paradigm beliefs comes through more clearly in our relationships to ourselves and to others.
Relationship with self includes how well know ourselves, how we approach our own healing and how we see ourselves. Having a conscious relationship with you is important because your relationship with you is the template for all the other relationships you form. Your relationship with others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.
The old paradigm acknowledges that some level of relationship with self is needed. Those beliefs support having an awareness of your place and how well you fit within the rules and norms of your peers and society. However the old paradigm principles inhibit your ability to form a deeper or broader relationship with who you are.
Introspection is an essential tool for deepening your relationship with you. Introspection is a foray into your internal landscape to examine your feelings, thoughts, behaviours and experiences. The old paradigm supports introspection as a purely mental process you use to decide if you're making the "right" choice and not upsetting anyone else. But that level of self-examination leads you into knowing more about what others expect from you and how you measure up to those expectations than knowing who you are.
The old paradigm's emphasis on making the "right" decision implies that "right" is immutable, universal determination. It isn't. What's right for me may not be right for anyone else. What feels right to me in this moment may not fit five minutes from now. The old principle of deferring to external authority says whether or not something feels right to me is irrelevant. What matters is "right" according to my parents, teachers, gurus, my boss, etc.
Introspection has the potential to open you up to real change but only if you engage with it as more than an intellectual exercise. Here again we crash into the limits of the old paradigm belief around living from the outside. Change is an inside job. It's birthed from my gut not an idea I have about what I "should" be doing.
Additionally understanding my feelings, thoughts, wounding and beliefs requires asking myself questions. The old paradigm only supports questioning as long as it doesn't bring up anything painful or create a conflict with established authority.
Add in the old paradigm beliefs about the need for control, including self-control, and the importance of keeping my persona in place and there's no room for asking questions that risk me meeting the unknown. The unknown is, by definition, something I can't control. If I step into the unknown I risk feeling pain and fear, which I may not be able to control. If I can't control those emotions someone may see how I really feel and that will betray my persona. So according to the old paradigm this whole process has a "Keep Out!" sign on it.
The old paradigm also stipulates that appearance is reality. So if I stumble across something in myself I don't like or want to deal with, as long as everything outside looks okay, I'm fine. (Maybe that's f.i.n.e.) We all use external distractions when we're struggling or overwhelmed.
Shopping or eating some chocolate can be a harmless and sometimes needed distraction if I'm conscious about I'm doing. However, if I truly believe that rearranging the furniture or buying new shoes is going to change something I'm uncomfortable with in myself, I'm in trouble.
Staying within old paradigm beliefs, I can only create a shallow relationship with myself that fits in the confines of what others think and are comfortable with. That doesn't give me room to engage in my own healing process because I can't get close enough to my wounding to work with it.
The principles of the new paradigm not only support a deeper relationship with self, they invite me to create one. The new paradigm asks us to own our authority. To claim my authority I need to trust myself. My trust in people I don't know is generally limited. So to trust me I need to know who I am. Knowing who I am isn't a place I arrive. I am a work in progress. My relationship with me is a fluid and continually changes
As I go deeper into self-examination I will eventually unearth something I don't like. That awareness will likely involve pain. The old paradigm says pain is bad and to be avoided. The new says pain is a necessary part of growth. It says "Okay, if you don't want to look you don't have to. That's your choice. Make it consciously."
There is enormous freedom in that invitation to move beyond either/or. The new paradigm opens us to the possibility of getting to know ourselves without the need to judge everything we find. Making conscious choices allows us to be responsible for our decisions without fault or blame being a part of the equation. Fault and blame are only necessary when our operating principles require us to evaluate our choices based on what we assume others may think and feel about them.
We live in a world that's still largely built on the old paradigm. Because those principles are so ingrained it can be difficult to see how they really work. The contrast between old and new paradigm beliefs comes through more clearly in our relationships to ourselves and to others.
Relationship with self includes how well know ourselves, how we approach our own healing and how we see ourselves. Having a conscious relationship with you is important because your relationship with you is the template for all the other relationships you form. Your relationship with others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.
The old paradigm acknowledges that some level of relationship with self is needed. Those beliefs support having an awareness of your place and how well you fit within the rules and norms of your peers and society. However the old paradigm principles inhibit your ability to form a deeper or broader relationship with who you are.
Introspection is an essential tool for deepening your relationship with you. Introspection is a foray into your internal landscape to examine your feelings, thoughts, behaviours and experiences. The old paradigm supports introspection as a purely mental process you use to decide if you're making the "right" choice and not upsetting anyone else. But that level of self-examination leads you into knowing more about what others expect from you and how you measure up to those expectations than knowing who you are.
The old paradigm's emphasis on making the "right" decision implies that "right" is immutable, universal determination. It isn't. What's right for me may not be right for anyone else. What feels right to me in this moment may not fit five minutes from now. The old principle of deferring to external authority says whether or not something feels right to me is irrelevant. What matters is "right" according to my parents, teachers, gurus, my boss, etc.
Introspection has the potential to open you up to real change but only if you engage with it as more than an intellectual exercise. Here again we crash into the limits of the old paradigm belief around living from the outside. Change is an inside job. It's birthed from my gut not an idea I have about what I "should" be doing.
Additionally understanding my feelings, thoughts, wounding and beliefs requires asking myself questions. The old paradigm only supports questioning as long as it doesn't bring up anything painful or create a conflict with established authority.
Add in the old paradigm beliefs about the need for control, including self-control, and the importance of keeping my persona in place and there's no room for asking questions that risk me meeting the unknown. The unknown is, by definition, something I can't control. If I step into the unknown I risk feeling pain and fear, which I may not be able to control. If I can't control those emotions someone may see how I really feel and that will betray my persona. So according to the old paradigm this whole process has a "Keep Out!" sign on it.
The old paradigm also stipulates that appearance is reality. So if I stumble across something in myself I don't like or want to deal with, as long as everything outside looks okay, I'm fine. (Maybe that's f.i.n.e.) We all use external distractions when we're struggling or overwhelmed.
Shopping or eating some chocolate can be a harmless and sometimes needed distraction if I'm conscious about I'm doing. However, if I truly believe that rearranging the furniture or buying new shoes is going to change something I'm uncomfortable with in myself, I'm in trouble.
Staying within old paradigm beliefs, I can only create a shallow relationship with myself that fits in the confines of what others think and are comfortable with. That doesn't give me room to engage in my own healing process because I can't get close enough to my wounding to work with it.
The principles of the new paradigm not only support a deeper relationship with self, they invite me to create one. The new paradigm asks us to own our authority. To claim my authority I need to trust myself. My trust in people I don't know is generally limited. So to trust me I need to know who I am. Knowing who I am isn't a place I arrive. I am a work in progress. My relationship with me is a fluid and continually changes
As I go deeper into self-examination I will eventually unearth something I don't like. That awareness will likely involve pain. The old paradigm says pain is bad and to be avoided. The new says pain is a necessary part of growth. It says "Okay, if you don't want to look you don't have to. That's your choice. Make it consciously."
There is enormous freedom in that invitation to move beyond either/or. The new paradigm opens us to the possibility of getting to know ourselves without the need to judge everything we find. Making conscious choices allows us to be responsible for our decisions without fault or blame being a part of the equation. Fault and blame are only necessary when our operating principles require us to evaluate our choices based on what we assume others may think and feel about them.
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