I started this blog based on a nudge. The first year and a half of posting weekly entries was surprisingly easy. Almost every week the Universe provided some experience that connected to new awareness, going deeper in old places or an opportunity to ask new questions.
Some weeks writing a blog entry was close to effortless. I made the time to write, the Universe provided the rest.
Although I do have list of backup topics, I rarely used them. When I did write from that list my engagement with the topic wasn't as immediate. The writing sometimes felt flat, even to me.
A couple months ago my experience began to shift. What's moving in me these days is coming from a different instigator...my body. The motion comes more from instinct than from mindful observation or thought. I am equally moving and being moved. It feels like a different form of mindfulness that doesn't involve the mind.
It's exciting, new, different and a walk in the unknown so a little scary at times. It's also a place of moving more and having less to say about it. Which is fine, but doesn't make for good blogging.
After the first couple weeks of feeling like I was really reaching to find something to write about, I didn't like how forced the writing felt. That opened up a pretty loud internal conflict. If I'm not coming up with something to write about every week, then maybe I should go to every other week.
Part of what I committed to when I started this blog was keeping it authentic. I want to write from where I am. I want to keep using the mundane bits of a week or a day as an opportunity to embody the bigger picture. But if I only write when I'm nudged, that'll be pretty random. I need to be consistent. That's the way blogs work.
I had a pretty good internal debate going about this for several weeks. Authenticity vs. being consistent. The two principles seemed so conflicting. One night as I was falling asleep I found myself wondering about the whole consistency thing. Some part of my brain seemed to think it was really important, but where did that come from? Do I value being consistent or was that some external value that I've unconsciously absorbed?
When I first moved to Taos, there was sign behind the cash register in my mechnic's shop that said something about how laws of commerce and business that work in the rest of the country break down in New Mexico. I believe it was a quote from FDR. Can't speak for the rest of New Mexico but yes, Taos is like that. Overnight shipping often takes two days. Manana is an operating principle. It's not unusual to drive up to a local business and find a sign on the door saying they'll be open in two hours or next week because they've gone somewhere else.
Initially I found this puzzling and a bit frustrating. After living here for fifteen years, the inconsistency is endearing and one of the things that makes Taos unique. When a business owner closes up shop to go camping it says to me s/he is more committed to having a life than to an external rule about how a business is supposed to function.
We're all unique in our need for stability, consistency and what that looks like. As a double Aquarian, I don't need much in the way of routine or consistent. Too much sameness usually brings out my rebellious side. It feels like a prison and a loss of freedom. That's one of the things I love about being a nomad and working for myself...every week is different. So why was I so hung up on being consistent with blogging?
The answers to that question came down to a whole lot of externals. Concern about what readers would think. Concern that I'd lose readers. So my worries about others expectations or at least my perception of others expectations. I felt a twinge of fear about stepping into another place where I was "breaking a rule" of how things are "supposed" to work. Yes, my life is filled with conscious rule breaking. That little fear flinch usually arises when I edge up to another one of those places where I risk being ostracized or marginalized by choosing not to follow a societal norm because it doesn’t fit for me.
Ah-hah! Being a consistent blogger vs. staying true to the spirit in which I started Viva la Duende and writing when I have something to say isn't a clash between being authentic and being consistent. It’s about being internally or externally consistent...and I've already made that choice.
When I'm internally consistent, I am congruent with myself. What I say, do and how I feel match. That's about my authenticity, which is worth more to me than fitting in or making others comfortable by adhering to social norms. I made the choice to be as authentic as I can years ago.
As with most choices about who I want to be, it's not a matter of deciding and poof...so it is. I have to embody that choice by living it. That means revisiting my choice to be authentic every time I have the opportunity to be more me. As Carl Jung once said, "I would rather be whole than good."
A couple months ago my experience began to shift. What's moving in me these days is coming from a different instigator...my body. The motion comes more from instinct than from mindful observation or thought. I am equally moving and being moved. It feels like a different form of mindfulness that doesn't involve the mind.
It's exciting, new, different and a walk in the unknown so a little scary at times. It's also a place of moving more and having less to say about it. Which is fine, but doesn't make for good blogging.
After the first couple weeks of feeling like I was really reaching to find something to write about, I didn't like how forced the writing felt. That opened up a pretty loud internal conflict. If I'm not coming up with something to write about every week, then maybe I should go to every other week.
Part of what I committed to when I started this blog was keeping it authentic. I want to write from where I am. I want to keep using the mundane bits of a week or a day as an opportunity to embody the bigger picture. But if I only write when I'm nudged, that'll be pretty random. I need to be consistent. That's the way blogs work.
I had a pretty good internal debate going about this for several weeks. Authenticity vs. being consistent. The two principles seemed so conflicting. One night as I was falling asleep I found myself wondering about the whole consistency thing. Some part of my brain seemed to think it was really important, but where did that come from? Do I value being consistent or was that some external value that I've unconsciously absorbed?
When I first moved to Taos, there was sign behind the cash register in my mechnic's shop that said something about how laws of commerce and business that work in the rest of the country break down in New Mexico. I believe it was a quote from FDR. Can't speak for the rest of New Mexico but yes, Taos is like that. Overnight shipping often takes two days. Manana is an operating principle. It's not unusual to drive up to a local business and find a sign on the door saying they'll be open in two hours or next week because they've gone somewhere else.
Initially I found this puzzling and a bit frustrating. After living here for fifteen years, the inconsistency is endearing and one of the things that makes Taos unique. When a business owner closes up shop to go camping it says to me s/he is more committed to having a life than to an external rule about how a business is supposed to function.
We're all unique in our need for stability, consistency and what that looks like. As a double Aquarian, I don't need much in the way of routine or consistent. Too much sameness usually brings out my rebellious side. It feels like a prison and a loss of freedom. That's one of the things I love about being a nomad and working for myself...every week is different. So why was I so hung up on being consistent with blogging?
The answers to that question came down to a whole lot of externals. Concern about what readers would think. Concern that I'd lose readers. So my worries about others expectations or at least my perception of others expectations. I felt a twinge of fear about stepping into another place where I was "breaking a rule" of how things are "supposed" to work. Yes, my life is filled with conscious rule breaking. That little fear flinch usually arises when I edge up to another one of those places where I risk being ostracized or marginalized by choosing not to follow a societal norm because it doesn’t fit for me.
Ah-hah! Being a consistent blogger vs. staying true to the spirit in which I started Viva la Duende and writing when I have something to say isn't a clash between being authentic and being consistent. It’s about being internally or externally consistent...and I've already made that choice.
When I'm internally consistent, I am congruent with myself. What I say, do and how I feel match. That's about my authenticity, which is worth more to me than fitting in or making others comfortable by adhering to social norms. I made the choice to be as authentic as I can years ago.
As with most choices about who I want to be, it's not a matter of deciding and poof...so it is. I have to embody that choice by living it. That means revisiting my choice to be authentic every time I have the opportunity to be more me. As Carl Jung once said, "I would rather be whole than good."
Yes!! Love it! Authenticity!
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