What the &*$% is going on?

     When I posted “Finding Your Own Way” last week I intended it to be the first in a two part series. I was working on a post about trial and error and paying attention to your personal trajectory, but the Universe had other plans.

    The Universe having other plans seems to be a frequent theme this month. Most people I’ve talked to are using the words “chaotic”, “insane” and “crazy” to describe what’s going in their lives. Yep. April is filled with speed, urgency, upheaval and pressure. What the hell is going on?

     Astrologically we’re experiencing the effects of a cardinal grand cross involving Pluto, Jupiter, Mars and Uranus. All four are powerful planets on their own. When they square off with each other in a cross the friction between them creates a dynamic, evocative environment. It’s all about disruption, acceleration, transformation and expansion…in other words CHANGE.

     I talked to a friend over the weekend who described her experience as being like drinking from a fire hose or being in a car that’s going 150 mph and she’s not the one driving. Yep. Opportunities, emotions and unresolved conflicts are coming up with the speed and force of a tsunami.

     My ability to be flexible and go with the flow is getting a work out. I’ve lost count of how many days have been repeatedly rearranged, often before I even leave the house. My emotional landscape is highly charged. The focus of the charge shifts hour to hour or moment to moment. Conflicts that simmered for months or weeks are boiling.

     My body has decided that 4am is a good time to wake up most mornings. Rather than fight with it, I’m going to bed earlier. I’m physically tired, but feel as though I’m plugged in to a high voltage electrical socket.

    The April forecast from the Power Path School of Shamanism talks about the theme for the month being intensity and bids for power. This is about personal power, not power over. The current grand cross brings with it a lot of shadow energy. Shadow is where we hide our power from ourselves. So this bid for power is about facing off with ourselves and reclaiming what we’ve buried.

    In shamanic terms a bid for power has to be made decisively. It’s either “yes” or “no”….no trying, waffling or leaving myself a back door. Maybe is an energy leak that leaves part of me attached to an option I’ve already moved past. To make a bid for power I need to be as present as possible and all in.

     My mind is the carrier of thoughts about what I do and don’t want, but a bid for power isn’t mental. It comes from my whole self. My mind participates, but I need to move gut and heart first.

    In a shamanic journey a bid for power is a quest, a battle, an obstacle course, solving a riddle or all of the above. It can also show up as an animal or spirit willing to help me or give me a gift after it devours me. Bids for power honor destruction and creation equally.

    Although bids for power look different in the physical world, the same principle applies.  If I want to step into the new, I have to let go of the old. The movement of destruction includes the art of falling apart. I can’t make a bid for power if my hands are already full. Being decisive about letting what no longer serves fall away without grasping out of fear is a bid for power in and of itself.

     This is an opportunity to sacrifice mindfully. The original definition of sacrifice is not about giving something up but about making it sacred. What I let go of now I release in a way that honors its importance rather than merely throwing it away.

    This is a time for clearing. If I respond to that impetus by cleaning out the closet and having a garage sale without going deeper, I’m missing the point.  Destruction and creation serve each other. The challenge is to look below the surface of the destruction; stay in awareness that the falling apart is making space for creation.

     A bid for power is a “use it or lose it” situation. I have to run with what I’m given. Opportunities wash in as I clear space for them. Am I ready for this? No. So what. I don’t ever feel prepared for intense change. Prepared is a mental state related to my ego believing it has some control over the known. A bid for power made from a place of ego will serve only my ego.

    Is this hard? Absolutely! Some days I feel like I’ve been stretched beyond my resilience. Mixed emotions are constant. Fear, exhilaration, uncertainty, grief, anger, amazement….yep. I felt all of that in the last five minutes.

     I want to pause when opportunities arrive to weigh the pros and cons. But if I do, I lose the flow. I put my mind in charge rather than my gut and heart. So the pause is a breath to return to my gut impression.

     I am way out of my comfort zone. I suspect when I return, it won’t be comfortable anymore because it too has changed.

      I am extremely grateful for having a larger context for my experience. Without an inkling of the bigger picture, I’d be fighting not to take what’s happening personally. It’d be easy to look at what’s falling apart as something that’s being done to me.

     Yes I feel the struggle, upheaval, chaos and pressure…but it’s not about me. Monday night the same stunning lunar eclipse filled the sky over all of us. We’re all in this together. The personal piece comes in the choices we make. Ride the tsunami, resist it or drown.