The continuum of Introversion and extroversion was first described by Carl Jung. We all fall somewhere along that spectrum. In the U.S. it's estimated that 10-25% of the population are introverts. That's not to say that the other 75-90% are extroverts. There are actually more ambiverts that either extroverts or introverts. The ambiverts fall into the middle range between the two. I am often envious of the flexibility those people have to navigate time alone and social situations with equal grace. Me, not so much so.
We live in a busy, fast moving, crowded world that’s packed with sensory stimulation and loaded for multi-tasking. Most of the world has taken on extroversion as an ideal. Being out going and social are highly prized characteristics. Life coaches, dating services, career advisers and trainers of all sorts push the need to "put yourself out there". Global networking via social media is pushed as a requirement for any degree of success in business.
The common definition of "friend" has changed from someone you know face-to-face and to anyone who liked your status update on Facebook. Even when we are physically with each other, we’re often present in body only. Go into a coffee shop and you’ll find at least one table full of people texting, tweeting and checking email rather than talking to each other.
Our world of constant digital connection is an extrovert playground. Although they may feel uncomfortable at times, the ambiverts can keep up. For introverts this is the circle of hell Dante omitted because no one tried to tweet him.
Extroverts and ambiverts see at least some of who they naturally are affirmed and reflected back to them from the larger world. Introverts see a world that keeps saying the way you are doesn't work; you need to be different.
All of us are strongest and most capable when we work with our nature rather than against it. Introversion is not something that needs to be cured or fixed. It can be an incredible strength when you learn to work with it.
Here’s what Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking had to say in her Ted Talk:
When I, as an introvert, take on the world’s extrovert ideal, I abandon myself. I betray who I am to meet someone or something else's expectations. Being a conscious introvert means disassembling those expectations and misconceptions, rather than taking them on.
Introverts aren’t anti-social. We’re differently social. Not interacting automatically doesn’t mean we’re shy. We need a reason to interact. We don’t assume everyone wants to know what we think, so we often wait to be invited into a conversation.
Introverts don’t dislike people. We’re just more selective about how we connect. What feeds us is a deep conversation with a good friend. We’re not rude. We just experience small talk as a form of verbal spam.
Although introverts dislike being the center of attention and need time alone, we don’t like being ignored. We get lonely too. We appreciate being invited to do things, even if we say no.
Introverts have different innate strengths than extroverts. We’re good listeners. Many of us hear not only the words but what’s left unsaid. We notice the words someone chooses to express themselves and their body language. Introverts tend to be very observant. Talking less leaves us open to pick up details and subtext that others miss.
We are capable of deep concentration. When an introvert is really engaged, s/he can single-mindedly focus on one thing for hours. Introverts are rarely bored. We always have our internal landscape to engage with.
Introverts have a lot to offer our extrovert, short attention span world. The more we’re able to own our introvert strengths and be conscious about who we are, the more we can contribute.
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